For weeks, my neighbor\u2019s underpants dominated the view outside my 8-year-old son\u2019s bedroom window. And not just any underpants \u2014 thongs. Bright, lacy, unapologetic thongs. One afternoon, Jake squinted out the window and asked, \u201cAre those slingshots?\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew it was time to intervene.<\/p>\n
Life in our suburban cul-de-sac had been quiet \u2014 lawn mowers, block parties, potlucks \u2014 until Lisa moved in. Lisa was loud, flashy, and clearly unbothered by things like modesty or window-facing laundry lines.<\/p>\n
That day, I laughed it off. But the next morning, Jake asked, \u201cAre those for a pet hamster? Or like\u2026 superhero aerodynamics?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s just confident,\u201d I mumbled.<\/p>\n
But the view stayed the same. Every Tuesday, the thongs returned like clockwork, flapping proudly in the breeze like tiny, rebellious flags. So, after one more failed attempt at polite conversation (\u201cHe thinks they\u2019re slingshots,\u201d I said at her door; she just laughed), I decided to fight fire with fabric.<\/p>\n
I found the most ridiculous flamingo-print fabric I could and stitched together a monstrous pair of granny panties \u2014 the size of a beach towel \u2014 and strung them directly across from her<\/em> window.<\/p>\n Her scream echoed down the street. \u201cTAKE IT DOWN!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGladly,\u201d I said sweetly, \u201cas soon as your line finds a new home.\u201d<\/p>\n She moved it.<\/p>\n Her laundry line disappeared. Mine? I turned that flamingo fabric into curtains for Jake\u2019s room \u2014 a permanent, cheeky reminder of our suburban standoff.<\/p>\n He loves them. \u201cThese look aerodynamic,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For weeks, my neighbor\u2019s underpants dominated the view outside my 8-year-old son\u2019s bedroom window. And not just any underpants \u2014 thongs. Bright, lacy, unapologetic thongs. One afternoon,… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n